Standing in the Way of Control - Day #1 - 27th. May 015

DAY #1, is brought to you by the letter F and the Number 1.

Fantastic flight over. Flew solo for the first time so thought I’d put in a bid for Business class with Virgin.. Got the sms 2 days prior to departure that it was successful. Yay high excitement! Business class, another first for me. I suffered badly from the old resfeber (pre-flight anxiety) for a couple of days leading up to this trip which wasn’t fun and when my son and his girlfriend waved their goodbyes to me at the airport I even got a bit teary (which was just silly) I was only going for 12 nights for goodness sake!

At the airport ready to board and I felt really conspicuous and a bit ooolala when the priority boarding call came. All seats in BC were full so was grateful I was there. Nice chatty man seated next to me but he had a shocking cold that made my blood run cold every time he filled another tissue, I get a bit germ-phobic on planes.

Champagne pre-take off? Yes please! As soon as the seat belts sign went off, there she was again handing me a deliciously strong G+T in a real glass, complete with ice and lemon. Could it get any better!? Yea it did. Free tablet for movies, blanky, pillow, 3 course meal (cauliflower soup a standout) and they even trusted me with real cutlery! Enough legroom to do a happy dance in. :0) Choice of 6 wines free pour but I stopped at one as I wanted to keep my wits about me, so free pour sparkling water all the way, service was great and my glass was never empty. Felt so lucky and absolutely spoilt.

Couldn't bring myself to disturb Mr.Sniff so I planned on going to the loo just prior to landing but missed my chance. Was one of the first to hit the air-bridge (yay no bussing it) and there was Bali wrapping me in its hot, sweaty arms once again.
Gossip - Standing in The Way of Control!

 How huge is the new airport! and it was empty except for our flight and the straight faced airport staff. Other passengers were running past me, did I miss something?  Was there a reason to be alarmed? I figured they were just in a hurry as our flight was a half hour late due to a head wind.

I glanced at the kamar kecil longingly, at the running masses behind me and the empty check-ins before me and opted for the quick processing.  As I entered the baggage collection hall, I couldn’t believe my luck, really? Is that my suitcase with its brightly coloured scarf spiralling toward me in the distance! With just a sidelong glance at the toilet I rushed forward to grab a trolley and hefted my 30kg bag onto the ground. I wasn’t celebrating the huge baggage allowance at this point, every time I tried to lift it onto the trolley, the trolley took a couple of paces backward… (yeah and a big thanks to all the fellas standing around and watching me struggle at this point).

Finally managed to jam the trolley against the carousel and hauled it on. Flustered and very, very, sweaty I had my eye on the prize as I hauled it off again onto the scanner. I was the only one there and the guy looking at his little screen looked perplexed, got on his walkie talkie and after hauling it back on to the trolley, there were the 5 Immigrassi guys waving me over.

Raspberry Bloody Cordial… he wanted to see my passport and questioned me about how much alcohol I had. No the bottle in my bag is cordial (in hindsight I should of said ‘syrup’) he didn’t know cordial and taking one look at my Midnight Expresses-esque sweaty flustered state. Yep open the bag. Holding the offending raspberry aloft for the scanner guy to see off in the distance, they all still weren’t sure about it. All was good when I finally came up with the word syrup…”ahhhh syrup, oh yes, yes …sorry, sorry mam” and I was on my way.

Again luck was with me when the first driver I locked eyes with was the lovely ‘Ayana’ man ‘Vian’. Wow it was hot and geeezus I needed a loo but wait…what did I do with my passport after Immigrassi.??

 I’d lent my travel wallet to my husband (he was travelling to Darwin for a couple of days for a mates catch-up) to help keep him organised and with that, all my organisation went out the window! My huge ‘black hole’ of a travel handbag was making life difficult too, I’d already had a panicky moment when I couldn’t find my purse in its depths at VOA.

So there was ‘Vian’ and I checking through all my bags for my passport, I even at one point emptied the ‘black holes’ contents onto the ground in absolute frustration. Oh for Fuck sake it had suddenly turned into a “Fluster Fuck”!

‘Vian’ remained calm and steered me back to another airport entrance…I’m guessing a staff entrance? Unfortunately he had to leave me at the security check… through a tunnel and I was back in the airport turning around in circles trying to figure out how to trace my way back to Immigrassi. Spotted the loo and decided, “finally” to make it priority one.

God damn my unreliable pelvic floor muscles! They’d managed to hold on for this long, you wouldn’t think a couple more seconds, until I could get my jeans undone would be too much to ask wouldya? Nup they couldn’t manage it, Betrayed! Oh, how the business class mighty, had fallen!

So there I sat in disbelief at how quickly my luck had changed…pissed pants and all.  Ok, so, I sat there surveying my options, mopped up what I could, which didn’t make any difference, what so ever on the offending stain and forget about the hand-dryer I needed to find that passport.

Huge handbags strap was lowered so I could sling it behind me, Itinerary folder was held in front, in the hope of covering my shame. Oh Christ.. had to put my handbag on the scanner again at this point, I was just keeping my eyes on the Immagrassi’s desk ahead of me looking for any recognition of ‘me’ on his face. 

As I approached there it finally was. “Oh Mam, Oh Mam I call out to you but then you were gone” as he opened his desk draw and handed me back my precious, precious passport. I almost sobbed with relief and although I was thinking “For Fuck Sake Man, whataya mean you called out to me but then I was gone!!! There’s Fucking Five of you Fellas standing here!! Could you not catch-up with me and hand it back!!! What if I didn’t realise my loss for days!!!?? Why didn’t you give it back to me at the check!!!” but visions of being taken to a back room for more humiliation prevented me from unleashing a tirade on the Immigrassi and at the end of the day I was more relieved than angry. Not to mention wet, embarrassed and probably smelly. So I just left.

‘Vian’ had told me he’d be waiting for me where I’d originally found him but nope he wasn’t there in the throng of drivers. Oh great…yep here we go, where is the total stranger I have left my unlocked suitcase with? Thank god it was dark out there and after turning around a few times whilst fending off all the calls of “transport” there he was emerging from the shadows. "Please, please get me out of here Vian"!!

He shuffled me off to a group of drivers, which surprised me. I thought a joint like the ‘Ayana’ would have their own car with the hotels name emblazoned on the side. My arrival had knocked my usual Bali excitement right outta me and I wasn’t in the mood for the drivers regular run of questions – Where you from? How many times you been to Bali? What work you do? Oh you have a business…maybe I come and work for you? The trip to the ‘Ayana’ took a lot longer than I expected.

We had booked a Villa for our 2 night stay, so I was taken to a beautiful little ‘exclusive’ reception area…excellent, barely a soul around. Unfortunately the frangipani lei, their enthusiasm and the welcome drink (I was in the need of something a bit stiffer) were absolutely wasted on me. The cold towel was appreciated though. I did try to smile through it all but made it known I was very tired.

Our lovely personal butler ‘Dewa’ materialised and shuttled me off to a little piece of heaven, he wanted to launch right into the whole orientation thing but I really needed my suitcase for at least a change of clothes and please while he was at it could he please rustle me up a bucket of ice, some limes and tonic? He delivered all to me quickly and with a beautiful smile.

With fresh knickers, a sarong and a slug or 2 of my very nice, duty free G+T it was beginning take the edge off nicely. Dewa finally got the go ahead to show me some of the delights of the villa which was gorgeous but was seriously designed by someone that had graduated from the ‘‘Get Smart’ School for Interior Design’! Every power point, light switch and remote control was hidden behind a hidden/secret door.

Dewa didn’t show them all to me, I’m guessing that it had become clear that I’d had enough when I walked into the corner of the marble, glass topped coffee table (could’ve used the cone of silence around about then). So he left me to it.

I sat outside in the dark listening to the fish fountains pouring into the pool for a while taking some deep, Bali breaths with an ice pack on my knee but got chased back inside by the mozzies, a case of dengue would just top it off…right?

Geez the rose and frangipani filled bath looked tempting but I didn’t want to taint the waters so I had a shower then laid down on the cloud like bed and awaited Rob’s arrival. I made a half-hearted attempt to find the TV remote (which Rob found the next day in its little box tied with a ribbon, behind a hidden panel in the bed head, can’t believe I didn’t think of looking there!)  instead I watched the ‘Ayana’ trailer over and over again while trying to keep my eyes open.

Rob called from the airport to excitedly inform me of his arrival and in my half asleep head I had a moment of panic that something else had gone awry…I just wanted to know why he wasn’t here yet ?…his plane had experienced the head wind too of course. I shook myself awake and from the luxury of the bed ordered some room service for his arrival and some coke for his Duty Free, (which it turned out he didn’t get from the Darwin airport as apparently I had told him you couldn’t…we are still to this day debating that one).

No rose petal baths for us that night we both slept well in the ’princess and the pea (or should that be pee?) ’ bed, behind the mosquito net which we dropped because we couldn’t find the light switch for the desk lamp which shone in our eyes. The butler showed us the next morning it was behind a little flap under the lip of the desk, of course.

So there you have it the absolute highs and lows that was my first solo arrival to Bali. I’ll continue to hold those of you high on a pedestal that go the whole trip alone, you’re definitely made of stronger stuff than I, that’s for sure!